On the importance of finding a balance and making time for each other

Before children there was ‘us’ and now we have children can we ever be just us?


“I don’t mind being number two”

“Two to who?” [I couldn’t think]

“Costa’s your number one and that’s ok…”

This was my husband’s startling yet oh so casual admission to life as a family of three and on happily playing second fiddle to our son. To him it was no big deal to admit but for me I wasn’t sure whether to laugh at the hilarity of this observation or cry for not making the obvious (that there are no number two’s in our family), more obvious!

But was he right?

As someone who champions communication and ‘being on the same page’ in our relationship, his thoughts while innocently intended, were a fair if not awkward revelation of our first year of parenting and the shift in focus that naturally comes when transitioning from us two to we three.

In fairness, having a child is the most precious and most vulnerable gift that you will ever know and as parents it’s only natural to put all your time and energy into your child(ren).  Nurturing them and keeping them safe, alive and well. Showering them in kisses and affection without a second thought to where else your attention might need to be.

Only, when you come out from under the sleepless nights and the weary haze that was ‘life with a baby’ and you will come out from under it, it’s important to acknowledge the dynamic parenting duo that was first and foremost a loving husband and wife.

You know, the kind who laugh like friends and love like lovers and listen to music over glasses of wine kind-of-people. Remember them?

Those people are still you.

So in honour of us we made good on a trip that we had been planning since late last year. A few nights away recharging on the sunny shores of Fiji. Just us two.

A parent’s getaway without the guilt and it – felt – amazing!

That’s the funny thing about reconnecting. You don’t know how much you need it until you steal some time away for yourselves, to just be ‘the two of you’ if only for a few days. You’re there together and away from the things and people that usually hold your focus. You can get lost in each other as opposed to the task at hand. Absorbed, focused, engaged in something other than what you do everyday.

It’s always important to remember that all relationships take work, even the good ones.

Children didn’t bring you together and children will not keep you together.
You brought each other together.
You made each other happy.
Your children came from that love.
That love has its own place and its own power and it needs to be nurtured in order to thrive.

Take time to honour the connection that helped fill your heart and home with more love, laughter and smiles than you could ever imagine.


Erena Te Paa sig

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  1. Emma Yates
    May 9, 2017 / 8:37 am

    Oh I love that last little quote! It so very true ?We are currently going through the ivf process and about to start our second round (first round one embryo survived but didn’t implant) & while we are a great team, I often wonder how things will change when that baby arrives. After the process we have endured, my partner was my strength while I fell apart at times. He held me tight that night we got the bad news and I know we can survive anything now! Hopefully our love will bring us a child ?? x

  2. May 11, 2017 / 4:04 am

    Oh Emma, I’m so sorry about the first round not taking and I am sending you all the positive vibes for the next. I haven’t experienced IVF personally (although it took two years to get our Penny!) I have friends who have been through the process and I know that it is no easy thing! The mental and physical toll that is required to embark on an IVF journey is huge so I take my (virtual) hat off to you and will be praying that this time you’ll get your precious wee babe 🙂 Also, what amazing support you have in your partner and it is those times especially, when life gets tough where you realise just how much that support is needed and what an unstoppable team you are. Relationships are tested all the time, I think that after babies, as long as you can step outside the sleepless nights and occasional overwhelm to acknowledge that what you have together is pretty darn special (and nurture that too) then relationships after babies are just as good if not better/stronger than before! Will be thinking of you xx

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