To feel the fear and do it anyway

The universe doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle

That was the reassurance given to me by a friend earlier this year when I was trying to find meaning to an unspeakable loss.

I don’t know if I’ve learnt all the lessons of losing Penny but I do know that in my own way I’ve made peace with the bad and have chosen to let only the good in her memory linger.

Today’s announcement is huge for me.  It is something I’ve wanted to share on so many levels with so many people just like the first time only this is not my first time and respectfully, I don’t wish to pretend like it is.

While I am over the moon to be pregnant again, I wanted to tread quietly.  To give my head and heart space to heal. To privately preserve a memory while letting myself know that it was okay to create new ones.

So I did (I have) and guess what? It is okay.

And as I dive into a new chapter of my story, I think back to the words of my friend only I choose not to let that be my focus.

I think that to live in fear is to let it win and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my past overshadow what is truly a precious time in our lives.

So here’s to a new day, a new son and toasting to our future happiness (with lemonade).

Expecting: A boy, late Feb / early March 2016


Erena Te Paa Stylist




  1. October 22, 2015 / 1:57 am

    Ohhhhhh Erena!!!!! I’m soooooo happy for you!!!! awww I had goose bumps reading it! awwwww I’m actually tearing up right now! And yes, I know what you mean by letting fear win! I am dealing with this feeling on a daily basis and it is a thief of joy and it doesn’t let you enjoy the good moments. awww Erena! Big hug and do a happy dance right now! A boy wooohooooo!

  2. October 22, 2015 / 1:58 am

    ps – you look beaaaaaaaaaaaaaautiful in this white top or dress.

  3. Liz Lawrence
    October 22, 2015 / 2:00 am

    Hi Erena
    A wonderful day it is to share in your news and may it be a special time ahead as you look forward to the arrival and meeting of your son.
    Love to you both
    Liz and Tony

  4. Anonymous
    October 22, 2015 / 2:44 am

    That brought tears to my eyes & so many emotions. You are a truly brave person Erina & I agree with Lorena such a beautiful picture!

  5. Trevelyn Morrissey
    October 22, 2015 / 3:02 am

    Erena, you are such a lovely lady and I couldn’t think of anyone who deserves such a lovely blessing and happiness, such beautiful exciting news!! Your baby boy will be the joys and laughter in your home, dad will of course be the noisiest 🙂 but that’s Joe Te Paa, fun! Thank you for sharing congratulations and warmest hugs and love to you and hubby XX

  6. Hannah
    October 22, 2015 / 3:26 am

    I was so hugely touched by your post about your precious Penny and even though I don’t know you I think of you often (every morning in fact….not in a creepy way, but another of your posts got me into nude by nature mineral powder and I love it and wear it everyday) and hoped to read another baby post one day. Congratulations on your brewing little man, how lovely!!

  7. Karla
    October 22, 2015 / 6:29 am

    Erena, you are truely inspirational and I am so happy for you. Beautiful words from a beautiful woman xxxx

  8. October 26, 2015 / 10:10 pm

    You are too lovely, thank you so much Karla xxxx

  9. October 26, 2015 / 10:15 pm

    Thank you Hannah, that means so much! I love that you are enjoying Nude by Nature powder – it makes the task of putting on makeup so much easier and lighter! I look forward to sharing more of my journey with my little man from this day forward and it will be lovely to know you’ll be out there somewhere reading 🙂 P.S Just FYI: Never thought that sounded creepy by the way haha!

  10. October 26, 2015 / 10:17 pm

    You’re a darling Trev, thank you! We do feel very lucky to have been given this blessing in the same year as such a tragedy, so you have no idea how much I’m looking forward to filling our house with the sound of baby giggle’s 🙂 xx

  11. October 26, 2015 / 10:20 pm

    Oh thank you so much, trust me, there were all kinds of emotions rushing through my head while sharing this so I’m touched that it brought so many emotions to the fore for you (hopefully happy and empowering ones). Much love xx

  12. October 26, 2015 / 10:22 pm

    Thank you so much Liz and Tony, it feels wonderful to have received a lot of love and positivity from our nearest and dearest. We are certainly looking forward to a bright and happy future. Love Erena and Joe xx

  13. October 26, 2015 / 10:25 pm

    Thank you Lorena! Just happy tears I hope! I am really excited for what lies ahead for us and already feel so much love for this little man! You got it in one, fear is the thief of joy and you (we) deserve to not live under a cloud of fearful thoughts! There is too much to be thankful for and moments to treasure. Big hugs right back to you, and I was secretly joining in on the happy dance with you!! xxxx

  14. October 26, 2015 / 10:25 pm

    Naaw stop it you!! (thank you) xx

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