To feel the fear and do it anyway

The universe doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle

That was the reassurance given to me by a friend earlier this year when I was trying to find meaning to an unspeakable loss.

I don’t know if I’ve learnt all the lessons of losing Penny but I do know that in my own way I’ve made peace with the bad and have chosen to let only the good in her memory linger.

Today’s announcement is huge for me.  It is something I’ve wanted to share on so many levels with so many people just like the first time only this is not my first time and respectfully, I don’t wish to pretend like it is.

While I am over the moon to be pregnant again, I wanted to tread quietly.  To give my head and heart space to heal. To privately preserve a memory while letting myself know that it was okay to create new ones.

So I did (I have) and guess what? It is okay.

And as I dive into a new chapter of my story, I think back to the words of my friend only I choose not to let that be my focus.

I think that to live in fear is to let it win and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let my past overshadow what is truly a precious time in our lives.

So here’s to a new day, a new son and toasting to our future happiness (with lemonade).

Expecting: A boy, late Feb / early March 2016

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